Thanksgiving dinner was great until my little brother got arrested.

I am most thankful for my loving boy and family, that we're all healthy and well and safe; I am thankful for our beautiful home and strange little cat and our wonderful friends and the gorgeous city we live in and for stars and for moonbeams and chocolate chip cookies and oh my god for pumpkin pie and multiple orgasms and leftover stuffing because I think that's what I'm having for breakfast.

I hope your turkey-day was as lovely as ours (I'll tell the sordid tale of my brother's [mistaken] arrest later. tryptophan coursing through veins.), and if you don't celebrate the roasting of the turkey, then I hope you had a lovely wednesday.

Thursday. Whatever. Too much white wine, too much gravy.

Dude, wouldn't it just rawk if we had gravy instead of blood? I'd be cutting myself all the time.

i am a sick fuck. Happy Turkey Day!

Several questions:

(I know, I'm making a lot of lists, but there's a lot I need to get out!)

-What's wrong with comments? Why do the "Links" and "About Me" links just lead to the index page? Where's my redesign? (I guess those are all for Boy.)

-What if the FBI used criminals to their advantage and added a...a...I don't know, pay scale? to the Most Wanted list? You know, like a million bucks for the severed head of the number one guy, $900k for the entrails of the number 2 guy, and so on. Even better, let's make it this huge all-out battle between blood-thirsty criminals--make it totally legal for them to kill eachother, and the last blood-thirsty criminal left standing gets a million bucks and a new bedroom suite featuring a Sealy Posture-pedic mattress set.

Good thing I live within the law now.

1) Happy 1400th entry to me!

2) Here's the deal with the Turkey Day Schedule: Evil coworker has a friend who's a med student. He offered to make dinner for a bunch of other interns whose families live far away, but neglected the fact that he'd NEVER COOKED ANYTHING, EVER. Because Turkey Day is my favorite goddamned holiday this side of my birthday, and because I can't bear the thought of him muddling his way through it, I slapped this together over the course of three boring stupid workdays.

*Disclaimer*
That is not how I cook a turkey.
Even though I heart jellied cranberry sauce, I make my own, too. And I have NEVER made gravy from a package. I don't go so far as to toast my own breadcubes, though--I have a LIFE.
Uh...yeah, that's it.

3) HOLY CRAP, FOOD PROCESSORS ROCK LIKE A BUNCH OF HURRICANES. Hurricanes with knives.

Here's what I've done all day: Perfect Thanksgiving Dinner Schedule and Recipes For Someone Who Has Never Cooked Anything But Frozen Pizza. (Even YOU could do it if you followed my directions and didn't obsess too much.)

It's long, but good, so feel free to use it--but I get credit.

Yesterday SUCKED.

1) I locked my keys in my car...in the valet line. Apparently it took them half an hour to get them out, and cars were lined up down the street. They also put a nice chip and ding in my door trying to get it-i had no room for complaint because they usually just tow you if that happens during the morning rush.

2) My stepdad is such a fucking jerk. He'll only pay for us to come down to Mexico if a-we come right at christmas, and b-if we pay for our room at the resort. I asked if the week after new years was close enough, and apparently it's not. When I tell him that I canNOT take any more time off work this year, he says I'm "not trying hard enough". b-$400 a night! Perhaps he hasn't heard anything I said about remodeling the kitchen in January. jerk. So now it'll be months and months until I can see my family. sniffle.

3) I had my yearly exam yesterday after work. There is nothing fun about getting poked in the crotch with a stick.

Then the Psd to HTML or PSD to CSS conversion is carried out by hard coding the image to fit into HTML frames or layers

But good things happened yesterday! Boy and I had a date! I got a food processor, for to make my pie-dough-making easier! I watched Buffy and talked to Quincy and Steve and edited photos and eavesdropped on Boy's conversation with the Astronaut all at the same time! Perhaps that is why I understood NOTHING of what was going on last night with Buffy. The Master is back, yeah? And he's posessing people? or something? What's with the principal burying Jonathan's body? and why does he look so familiar? So confusing. This is SO going to be the last season. It's so...blah. O, how I long for the days of a plump and delicious Buffy, a nerdy Willow, a Xander who tripped and fell a lot...

Ah, well.

And then I watched the scariest X-Files ever, so scary that I even jumped and screamed! Boy gave derisive snorts but was good-natured about letting me clutch his arm like the little girly-man-girl that I am. And then I went to sleep.

the end!

i heart pictures

A conversation in which the author reveals just how much Stevewants to get married. Also, the author's competitive nature is thusly confirmed.

Ferra:
Did you become violently jealous upon reading dollarshort this week?

Steve:
Ooooooooooh, great call on your part.

Ferra:
No joke.

Steve:
It sort of crossed the line from sweet to disgusting.

Ferra:
heh.

Ferra:
Also, Quincy is back. Did you know?

Steve:
Ohhhhhhh!

Ferra:
I hope you didn't, because I love one-upping you.

My grandfather rode a horse.

I am seriously loving this posting-photo business. Sorry dial-uppers. (losers. get broadband.)

pin-up dolly.

peek-a-boo!

(I see you)

Mussolini.

me: ow!

boy: what now? (ed. note--I've been owwing a lot lately.)

me: I just got poked in the eye!

boy: by what?

me: my finger!!

boy: *silence*

me: I am the dumbest girl alive.

I had forgotten what it's like to be at war with your body--mine is in great rebellion! Woke up Sunday morning with what looked like a killer UTI, though it faded after a while. Ended Sunday night with a nice fall in the driveway, skinning my knee and SPRAINING MY BLOODY ANKLE. Well, my ankle wasn't bloody, but you know what I mean.

I feel very wrung-out. My face is pinched and squinty, I've been grimacing all damned day. and my ankle fucking hurts. They bandaged me up, gave me an aircast to wear for a few days, and an instructional videotape (on...what? shrug) but no drugs (sigh) so I should be right as rain soon enough.

better be.

In other doctoral news, I found a new shrink but can't see her until next week. apparently she's a "Registered Poetry Therapist" (shut up.) but I don't plan on participating in that nonsense. Let's hope she turns out better than the last.

entertaining.

and that's all i've got for you, folks. pain pain pain, tired tired tired.

Whoops. I should have followed up my Fairy Tale with a "Sorry, Dave". I didn't know it would come out that way!

Thanks, Joe:

FAIRY TALE

nce upon a time there has a young BUS DRIVER named JOE GOLDBERG. He was FESTIVELY FUCKING in the SLIMEY forest when he met GREEN EVIL DAVE, a run-away CUM-SCRAPER from the ERSTWHILE Queen SHANIQUA.

JOE GOLDBERG could see that GREEN EVIL DAVE was hungry so he reached into his TUPPERWARE and give him his HIDEOUS HUMMUS. GREEN EVIL DAVE was thankful for JOE GOLDBERG's HUMMUS, so he told JOE GOLDBERG a very RACKALICIOUS story about Queen SHANIQUA's daughter BERTHA. How her mother, the ERSTWHILE Queen SHANIQUA, kept her locked away in a HOUSE protected by a gigantic CAMEL, because BERTHA was so CHEAP.

JOE GOLDBERG RAN. He vowed to GREEN EVIL DAVE the CUM-SCRAPER that he would save the CHEAP BERTHA. He would BLUDGEON the CAMEL, and take BERTHA far away from her eveil mother, the ERSTWHILE Queen SHANIQUA, and EMASCULATE her.

Then, all of the sudden, there was a TACKY TYPHOON and GREEN EVIL DAVE the CUM-SCRAPER began to laugh. With a puff of smoke he turned into the gigantic CAMEL from his story. ERSTWHILE Queen SHANIQUA GUTTED out from behind a TOILET and struck JOE GOLDBERG dead. In the far off HOUSE you could hear a CLAP.

THE END.

Make your own Fairy Tale at fuali.com

Oh, hey--if you didn't figure it out or haven't seen that photo before--there's me. That was right after Boy and I started dating. C'mon now, all together: awwwww.

Steve:
   OK, now you should be back in that window with the local address of the image in the window, right?

Ferra:
   mhm

Steve:
   Just click the UPLOAD button at the bottom.

Ferra:
   Create a new entry using this uploaded file?

Steve:
   Actually, you know what?

Ferra:
   OH MY GOD.

Ferra:
   This is how you post with photos??

Steve:
   Yes!

Ferra:
   WHY HAS HE NEVER SHOWN ME THIS??

Steve:
   If you were just doing this to change the photo on the front, you wouldn't have to do anything with this window.

Steve:
   You'd just close it.

Steve:
   See, because it'd have the same filename as the one that was there already. It'd just overwrite it.

Steve:
   Same as when you overwrite anything else locally.

Ferra:
   he has NEVER SHOWN ME THIS.

Steve:
   This is why he needs me to bother him about your new design.

Ferra:
   I am in SHOCK.

...

Needless to say, changes are again afoot. When you come back here on Monday...this might not be here at all!

Okay, that's a baldfaced lie. But changes! If Steve nags enough, that is.

If you've ever wondered what I do on days when I've got nothing to do...

Steve:
I want to post these online-dating observations to Pedestrian, but eventually, one of these girls is going to find out about it.

Ferra:
shrug. it happens all the time.

Steve:
Yeah, so I've heard.

Ferra:
I mean, at least you're not saying how shitty they are in bed.

Steve:
I suppose there are varying levels of everything.

Steve:
I'm writing something about how I'm a non-expert. What I SHOULD be doing is writing JDate mail.

Ferra:
See? Spreading yourself thin.

Steve:
My weblog isn't supposed to be competition for Internet girls!

Ferra:
It will be.

Steve:
Oooooooooooh.

Steve:
How provocative.

Ferra:
Enough with the sarcasm, mister does-too-many-things-at-once.

Chou:
http://www.cnn.com/2002/LAW/11/21/malvo.prison/index.html This is the stupidest CNN article all week.

Steve:
Poor John Lee Malvo!

Ferra:
Po' widdle boy. being treated soooooo badly after KILLING THIRTEEN PEOPLE.

Ferra:
http://www.cnn.com/2002/WORLD/africa/11/21/aids.safrica.prisons.reut/index.html Now THAT's a prison story.

Steve:
The concept of "trying someone as an adult" is stupid.

Ferra:
CNN is turning into PNN--The Prison News Network.

Steve:
"Slow puncture" -- dear Lord.

Ferra:
Why? He's old enough to decide that he's going to KILL PEOPLE, he's old enough to serve time or be executed for it.

Steve:
By the way, Adebisi had that idea.

Steve:
Why not try everyone as an adult, then? Everybody who commits a crime decided they wanted to commit that crime.

Ferra:
Fine with me.

...

Ferra:
I'm having some serious sore throat.

Ferra:
But not like getting-sick sore throat.

Steve:
What kind of sore throat?

Ferra:
more like just swallowed a load sore throat.

Steve:
Some lozenges or something might help a lot with that.

Ferra:
and I should stop sucking cock at work.

Steve:
That's a good idea for many reasons.